On the last day of 2023, I made a resolution. I would step out of my comfort zone!
In February, I shared the musical my team is writing with way more talented and experienced writers.
In March, I traveled to Colombia--8,500 feet higher than where I live.
And in May, I learned that my cancer has come back.
Yes. In 2001, I had a mastectomy, six months of chemotherapy, one month of radiation, and started ten years of hormonal therapy. Because of all that, I had 23 great years. I published over 30 fiction and non-fiction books. I traveled to many countries with my husband. I saw our daughter channel her creative skills into the practice of law. In other words, I lived. And I intend to keep living.
I just took three pills. They're so powerful that I was cautioned to wear gloves when handling them. And yet they seem pretty small considering the job they must do.
I must fight an equally important battle. I have many memories of 2001--some of which I'll share in future blogs. But one is very clear to me now. Just after the drama of the surgery, when people had moved on to their own problems, I was left alone with my darker thoughts. I lay in bed feeling sorry that my life could be cut short. I was jolted by this realization. If indeed that were true, then why would I waste one single precious second of the time I have here on Earth in a cloud of misery? Why wouldn't I do whatever I could to make the most of what I have while I have it? None of us will live forever.
Now it's June. I will continue to leave my comfort zone. I will not abandon comforts! I need sunny days, walks in the woods, bird song, and time with friends more than ever. I must strive, however, to avoid sinking into the lazy-boy-recliner of self-pity, resentment, and railing against the mutants who live in my body now.
I have decided to use this blog as a place to explore my thoughts about illness, identity, but most of all my quest for life.
Writing it will help me. Thank you for reading.
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